Monday, December 5, 2011

From one son to another--on his Bar Mitzvah

Lies About My Brother
This poem is tricky
Like my brother, so spastic.
Everything I now say
Should be heard as sarcastic.

When he was born
My brother was skinny.
No roles of fat
On his chinny chin chin chinny.
When he grew up
All of that changed.
He’s gotten fat, he’s gained weight
He is oh so very strange.
He is always behaved
And he never says never.
He’s like Justin Bieber
Only one third as clever.
He gets horrible grades
In math, he doesn’t know factors.
And he has no friends,
All you people here are actors.
He sucks at all sports
And he’s slow as a snail.
His Chinese name should be “Shibai”
Google translates that to “Fail.”

He has never shown rage
And looks like Syd from Ice Age.
He’s the least impressive person I know
He gives devious a new low.
He gives new meaning to “don’t judge a book by its cover,”
Because he’s even worse inside than he is a brother.
Whenever he sees me he pretends to admire
But really he’s just wishing I were on fire.
Nobody likes my brother
Not even our mother!
You’ve all seen her yell at him
It’s like a story written by Brothers Grimm!
His head is so full of hot air.
He thinks kicking and screaming is the definition of “share.”
Worst of all: he’s chock full of sass
Whenever he sees me he smacks me in the……........stomach.

He’s the worst kind of guy
He tells everyone the truth
Except to me he does lie
And it’s ruined my youth.
So friends and family
Of Ellis-da-mellis
Please make sure you know
You don’t have to be jealous.

Okay here we go
Now the lies are through
For a short stanza
I’ll say things that are true.

He’s a cool guy
The best I’ve ever seen
He’s got more talent
Than that winner Charlie Sheen.
Ellis, you’re the best brother I have
This should make you all know
He’s the greatest friend I could asked for


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