Friday, April 9, 2010

Author Bio: Rough Draft

Rebecca Land Soodak lives in New York City with her husband and children. This is her first novel. She has no literature, nor has she read War and Peace or Pride and Prejudice. In fact, she is not certain she has used the word NOR correctly in the prior sentence. (Or would previous sentence sound better? Moving on.)
She worries she uses parenthesis too often, but is fairly confident she has mastered the semicolon conundrum; that is, she likes a good semicolon. (Always has.)
What the author is trying to say is: this whole writing every day for the past 19 months (save a day or two) has really been ... a crazy fluke. Kind of like John Travolta's character in Phenomenon. The one where this guy can suddenly do all this cool shit, only to find out it's because he has a brain tumor! That's right; (spoiler alert)he's dying. DYING. Yikes. (come to think of it, my hip has been killing me lately. If it continues for another three years, I just might see a Dr., maybe.)
In closing, the author would like to remind everyone that she couldn't possibly be a writer of any significance because she married someone who makes a lot of money. Must I spell everything out, people? Wealthy women (who have procreated) and live on Manhattan's upper east side are NOT literary forces to be reckoned with; especially if they overuse parenthesis, semicolons and/or write about women, children, sex and art. Sorry. I don't make the rules.

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